Why Do I Keep Repeating My Family's Toxic Patterns? (How IFS Can Help)
Have you ever found yourself thinking, "I'm turning into my parents," despite your best intentions? You're not alone. Many of us unconsciously repeat unhealthy family patterns that we promised ourselves we'd avoid. These toxic patterns can infiltrate relationships, work-life balance, self-esteem, and overall emotional health. Understanding why this happens and how to break free is the first step towards healing and personal growth.
Al Kaibzhanov, Somatic Psychotherapist & Life Coach
4/12/20252 min read
Understanding the Cycle of Toxic Family Patterns
Our first lessons in relationships and coping strategies come from our families. From an early age, we internalize behaviors, beliefs, and emotional responses modeled by parents and caregivers. These deeply embedded patterns shape our perceptions and responses in adulthood, often subconsciously steering us toward familiar yet harmful dynamics.
Repeated toxic patterns can manifest in various ways:
Struggling with boundaries: Difficulty saying "no" or feeling guilty about setting healthy boundaries.
Unhealthy relationships: Finding yourself repeatedly involved with emotionally unavailable or manipulative partners.
Perfectionism and anxiety: Constantly feeling inadequate, overcompensating, or dealing with chronic worry and stress.
Avoidance and withdrawal: Tendency to shut down emotionally or physically remove oneself during conflict or stress.
How Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy Breaks the Cycle
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a powerful, compassionate approach to understanding and shifting these deeply entrenched patterns. Rather than seeing yourself as a singular "problem," IFS views your internal experience as a family of interconnected parts. Each part, even those exhibiting toxic behaviors, is seen as having good intentions—usually protection from harm or pain.
IFS therapy involves three primary steps:
Identify Parts: Discover and acknowledge the different internal parts involved in repeating patterns.
Understand Roles: Explore the reasons these parts formed and how they attempt to protect you based on past family experiences.
Heal and Integrate: Compassionately address and release old wounds, empowering your core "Self"—the confident, compassionate, calm center within you—to lead.
Experiencing IFS Therapy: What You Can Expect
When you work with me using IFS therapy, you'll enter a safe, supportive, and non-judgmental space. Together, we'll gently explore the layers of your internal world, addressing and understanding your inherited family patterns. I'll guide you in compassionate self-reflection and practical skill-building, helping you to identify and shift behaviors that no longer serve you. Clients often experience increased clarity, emotional freedom, improved relationships, and a stronger sense of self-worth after engaging in this transformative work.
You don't have to continue feeling stuck in your family's toxic legacy. Empower yourself to live a life that's authentic, joyful, and genuinely yours.
Ready to break free from repeating harmful family patterns? Schedule your free consultation today by clicking "Book" below.
Get in Touch
Atlanta based office, offering virtual services throughout the State of Georgia.
